Iri..

Smakin gw liat fb.. dan makin banyak gw liat temen2 yang udah pada kuliah… Gw makin sedih deh.. Banyak temen gw yang jurusannya psikologi, desain, PR,, dkk..

Walo ada beberapa yang bilang gw tuh beruntung untuk bisa skola ke US.. tapi gw malah mikir mreka jau lebih beruntung karena mereka bisa milih jurusan yang mereka suka..

Oh well,, gw pengen stay di high school teruss dan gak lulus2.. karena dsini di HS gw gak perlu milih jurusan.. gw gak perlu berantem sama sapa2 bwt milih jurusan,, gw gak perlu argghh.. gw cape..

Gw pengen jurusan psikologi/communication/Food science.. smua tinggal mimpi belaka.. mimpi yang gak tau kapan pernah jadi kenyataan.. Only if I can redo everything.. I would rather stay in Indo and be my self..
I really wanna trade my study in US with anyone who can be them self.. dang it.. The more I think about it,, the more I’m hating my self…

and again,, life’s never been easy.. never..  fml..

without the one I love the most..

“Yep,, coz school is starting in 2 days… and I remember how I used to do back to school shooping with my mom.. and I know that on Monday my mom won’t waved her hand and kiss me on my cheek and tell me good luck.. =(

and when I called her.. I felt even worst.. “

Maybe I’m so childish for saying that.. but that’s what I feel these few days.. I just miss my mom so much..
I really want her to see and feel how excited am I to be senior and how I really wish her to see it..

I miss my mom.. even when she scolds me coz I’m being naughty.. If I have to wake up every single morning just because my mom wants me to learn how to cook or to help her in the kitchen I seriously would..
I miss her so muchh,, to the point where whenever I heard her voice I would cry..

Maybe coz I know exactly,, if there’s someone alive in this world that love me unconditionally,, that would be her..

Why am I excited for this new school year? it’s because I know that my mom would come to celebrate my graduation with me.. thenI get to see her again.. I get to see my lil bro again..

missed out..

Do you know,, what is the saddest thing of being far away from your family??

For me,, that I have a little brother.. It is really sad to miss out being with him when he grows up and becomes more mature.. It’s really sad that I couldn’t be with him when he was going to high school and tell him what and what not to do..
I didn’t get to see him and his GF and how his cuteness gone and became a man, and just not being there when he needs answer for his curiosity..

It is sad, not to be able to guide him through his high school and life.. I really wanna see him grow up and be a man..

What’s left, Now he wears white-gray uniform (high school uniform) and long pants.. He has a GF, he rides motorcycle, he gets to hang out with his boys..

I didn’t get to teach him math/english/anything.. I didn’t get to tell him what’s life is like in HS,, I didn’t get to be with him when he got into HS..

I love my broo so much.. and if he asks me for disneyland and if I’m capable of giving him it,, I probably would try my best to do it.. I just love him so much.. he is the first guy on my list on my happiness list.. the first guy I want to see him so happy..

The last thing I told him, is not to hurt any girl’s heart, I don’t care if he is being a bad boy or naughty or what, just don’t ever hurt someone’s feeling.. just don’t..!!!! don’t even try..!!
Hopefully that’s not gonna be my last advice for me since he’s growing up and be more mature.. I hope that he will listen to me eventhough he’s entering his adulthood soon..

Unfortunately it’s too late when I realized everything,, when I realized that I would miss these moments,, if I knew it from the begining I would probably think twice.. I would probably not want to leave..

shooting stars and Akon..

well,, yepp.. they are not related at lot..

It’s just the song Right now (na na na) by akin stucked in my headd.. grahh.. haha.
and somewhat that song made me sad too..

and it’s Mid agust..!!! and we,, I..!! saw shooting starss..!!
from miller field with my bestiess.. hahha..
it was kinda fun…

I made wishes..!!! haha.. hopefully they would come true..

and omaigat..!!it’s wednesday..!! means in 1.5 I’ll start school again..!!!!

NO WAYYYYYY…. nooo effin wayyyyyyy……………….

“They are the best thing that ever come to my life..”

They are my family.. My 73 years old granma (the only grandparents I have left),, My mom,, my dad and my lil bro,, my uncles and my aunts also their chidren..

They are the color pencils of my life.. They brings color to my boring life.. Even though the color might be dark or bright,, they are still colors and they my stoopid life become colorfull and somewhat beautiful..

My Granma.. She is simply the best cook ever.. I miss her food and I miss her advices.. All of her grandkids have gone through it,, her advices she has given to us.. They are sometimes boring.. but I would love to hear them again.. Now she is laying down on her bed,, real weak.. She couldn’t move,, if she moves her fractured bones would hurt her real bad.. and that hurts me..!! I don’t wanna see her like that.. I couldn’t even imagine that.. She is my energetic and beautiful granma who likes to go out and just hanging out with her family.. Now she is really weak can’t do nothing but laying.. I’m just really sad.. and heard her voice talking about the pain she feels I couldn’t hold it again and I cried.. I miss her so.. I really do..

My one and only hard-working mom.. Many times I told you that I really love her and whatever I’m doung right now is just for her and for her happiness.. I used to be a bad and naughty girl.. I used to make her cry but I realize that she had gone through hell and I want to give her happiness and I want her to smile as if she were in heaven.  She is he reason why I’m doing all of this.. Maybe she looks strict out side but she is the sweetest mom ever.. I misss her so much too,, I wish I could’ve done more things for her.. I know that for know I could do nothing but just do my best at school but one day she definitely smiles proudly for me.. I will make her…

Sometimes I’m just so upset.. real upset because my daddy is different.. He doesn’t like other daddies I know.. What I know,, a daddy would hug his precious daugther after he comes home.. I saw my friend’s daddy kissed her in the car before she went out to school.. I thought a daddy would buy her daugther a cute teddy bear as a christmas present.. He doesn’t do that.. He is different,, He is one of the most quiet person I’ve ever met. We don’t talk a lot.. He doesn’t care about my daily activites,, what I did,, who am I going out with,, or who are my friends.. I once hated him for that reasons because he is different.. Later  realized that,he is the kind of daddy that  want,, the kind of daddy that I love.. He doesn’t whine,, he doesn’t yell at me,, he lets me explore my world without overprotecting me,, while others was asking for weird and expensive gift from US,, he simply asked for chips.. He shows his love by letting me do what I want and protects and loves me with his style.. He almost never bother me,, he does his own thing and rarely asks for my help.. I love him.. I  love the way he loves me.. He is probably the best daddy I could ask for.. .

We fight A LOT..!!! but what’s sweet is when he asked me to help him with his hair before he went to a party.. My sweet dandy little bro.. He is a whiner but I love him.. If I could give hm a disneyland I probably would.. I knew the reasons why he wants lots of stuffs and I knew why is he a whiner because I’ve gone through the life he is on right now.. He is smart,,, he is smarter than me.. I don’t think I ever tell him that I love him but my first summer in US,, my first break without him,, I miss him a lot..!! We used to hang out and do stuffs together during breaks and that time  was alone.. I miss fighting with him.. If you happen to read this mike,, yes I love you..!! and I miss you..!! and whatever I promised you I will full fill it..! coz I promised..

They are the colors of my lives..!! he reasons why I smile though my heart is aching.. My mom called me today and her sibling were in Indonesia because my granma is sick and talked to my granma and two cousins and aunts and of course my mom.. I cried so bad.. I miss them a lot..!! I wish I could be there with themm with my granma especially.. I cried because I love them and wish to she them again..
I hope God blesses them always.. They are my angels.. I really really miss them..

Jujur plus Curhat..

Stela gw liat2 poto2 gw dan dari pengalaman2 sebelomnya.. kayaknya kalo smua ini essay gw udah ada di paragraf2 trakhir dmana gw bentar lagi bakal bikin konklusi kalo gw tuh gak demen moto2 orang/human/people/model..
Mungkin gw bakal nyoba bikin beberapa paragraf lagi untuk nyari2 bahan potoan yang orang/event/model untuk wrap up konklusi gw..

Hmm.. gw sampe skarang lebih enjoy moto bunga/macro dan still life.. kayak gw bisa bikin2 cerita sendiri dengan gw yang ngatur semua settingnya.. gak butuh mood orang,, gak butuh nunggu expresi orang.. Gw lebih hepi untuk bisa ngatur mood ndiri,, ngatur kompo sendiri,, dkk..

tapi bagian curhatnya.. gw tuh kekeuh untuk bisa suka sama people photography kind of thing,, karena dari situlah elo bisa menghasil kan sesuatu (uang).. Contohnya moto event,, moto wedding,, prewed,, model photo keluarga.. tapi setiap gw mao ngedit poto kagak ada tuh gw rasa hepi editing..
Beda sama pas gw moto2 macro or still life,, gw bisa berjem2 di depan lighting set darurat gw cuma bwt figure out gmana gw bisa bikin still life gw ada ceritanya and at the same time bagus warnanya lalu pas ngeditnya bisa bisa lagi berpuluh2 menit gonta ganti warna..

Gw jadi bingung.. huwh.. tough.. tough.. gwa masih nyoba terus sieh.. blon slese nyobaa…. dan masih penasaran knapa gw gak demen moto orang.. knapa tiap moto orang gw gak bisa bikin suasananya.. whyyyyyy……………  gw jd stress dan puyeng ndiri haha..

Aniwae,, ya gtu dah lagi hmm.. I wouldn’t say dilemma sieh.. apa ya namanya.. hahaha.. kagak tau ahh..

btw,, my first wiken of my summer breaakk..!!! 9 more weeks to goo..!!

mimpi?

Dari gw kecil.. well,, dari gw lahir,, gw slalu hidup di keluarga yang berkecukupan.. Kagak kelebihan banget2… kagak kekurangan banget2.. hehe.. bisa makan 3x sehari,, bisa makan makanan 4 sehat 5 sempurna.. Bisa sekola di tempat yang bagus.. Punya baju yang kalo sbulan nggak nyuci juga gak abis.. hehe..
Dan gw Thank God banget dengan smua ini.. Ada lah saat nya gw pengen sesuatu yang lebih.. ini baru itu baru,, rumah gede,, baju bagus,, dkk.. tapi nyokap gw slalu ngajarin jadi orang itu nggak bole gtu.. di kasih seadanya ya terima kasih.. Lagipula,, sesuatu yang berlebihan itu nggak baik..

Bisa tinggal di US,, bisa skola di top school gratiss,, bisa punya laptop,, bisa punya kamera dslr itu sesuatu yang gak pernah gw bayangin pas gw kecil.. Kadang pun gw gak berasa kalo gw ada di US.. udah 3 taon dsini tapi masih berasa kayak mimpi..

Yang gw masih nggak percaya sampe skarang gw bisa demen sama photography.. karena dari dolo gak ada tuh demen2nya sama moto.. paling males malah iya kalo dsuruh moto.. tapi bisa punya kamera yang nggak murah plus satu lensa.. itu udah kayak anugrah turun dari langit banget..

Hari ini gw di pinjemin satu lensa yang buat gw super mahal.. plus satu ext flash yang kalah mahalnya.. Pas gw maen2in tadi gw gak abis pikir ajeh.. Gw gak pernah mimpi bisa megang2 benda kayak gtu.. Mimpi ajeh kagak berani.. tapi gw actually ngerti gmana cara makenya.. dan gw juga menghasilkan something dengan benda2 itu..
Bener2 gak pernah ada di mimpi gw kagak sekalipun bisa demen sama dunia ini..

Kalo jadi pemaen bola,, jadi news anchor,, jadi penyiar,, jadi psikolog sieh sampe mimpi2.. hahaha.. Tuhan itu ngasih surprise dmana ajah,, kapan ajah dan kejutan itu sesuatu yang u gak banyangin sama skali..

hmm.. apa ya kejutan berikutnya.. hahaha.. can hardly wait.. Apa pangeran berkuda putih dan berpedang perak bisa ada di depan rumah gw..?? hahahahaa.. you’ll never know..

Sminggu lagi..!!

hmm.. gwa lagi di kelas math,, kakak kelas pada ujian,, ade kelas di kasi komputer bebas bole ngapain ajeh,, yang rajin mah blajar bwt final.. yang males mah ya maen2..

Dan gw.. masuk ke kategori orang yang males… hehe.. PD lagih.. iyeh.. buktinya gw lagi blogging.. dan baru beres baca satu novel.. bandel yahh.. kmaren gw dah beres sama 3 finals gw.. dan minggu depan ada 2 lagi.. dan artinya sminggu lagi gw bebas dengan tahun ajaran ini.. lalu libur 10 minggu..!! fun..!!

Badminton gw dah beres di lynbrook tourney gw dapet juara 3 di mixed double..

Photography club gw jd vice president lagi.. I lied gw re-apply lagih.. -.-

apa lagi sieh? haha.. Oh..!!
Radio dj-ing hipefully abis gw ujian gw bakal mulai aktif lagi di kaskus radio..!!

Oh well.. 5 bulanan ini mayan gila juga gw badminton dan belajar juga bermain.. haha.. brasa lebih sehat sieh.. lebih fit ajeh jadi berolah raga.. so goal gw summer ini mao lebih berolahraga lagi dan mao ngurusin badan.. gile ajeh masa gw dsini makin gede sieh.. hahahha..

Trus,, mao memperdalam edit2 foto2.. masa gw gak maju2 sieh moto2nya itu2 ajah.. haha..
Oh iya,, minggu depan benernya gw di tawarin moto2in anak de anza graduation di party nya mreka.. gw rada ragu sieh.. soalnya kalo yang moto gw gak kenal juga gak enak.. sama awkward ajeh.. haha.. mana orang indo narcis smua pula.. LOL.. oh well.. gw juga mesti dapet pinjeman flash sama lensa dr ko aldo dolo kalo gak gw gak bisa moto donk.. khan lensa gw butut blom mampu beli.. hahah..

Oh oh oh..!! gw lupa crita.. kmaren ini.. tepatnya berminggu2 yang lalu gw di kasi duid gw bantuin TA nya vnul.. dapet mayan sieh tapi gw bingung mao di apain.. hahaha.. emak gw katanya pengen beli bold.. gw pikir tuh duid gw pake dolo bwt beli boldnya emak gw ternyata bold pun susah di dapetnya.. hmm..
Nah kmaren ini itu gw jalan2 ke mall ke tokonya fossil.. gw liat kacamata item harganya 45.. naksir abis sieh.. tapi gw beli jaket ajeh pelit banegt harus di bawah 40 mahal kacamata item nyampe 45.. tapi kata emak gw since gw juga dpaet duid dr vnul itu ya beli ajeh lagian khan itu barang yang beli skalli trus gak beli2 lagi.. asal jangan ilang.. Tapi buktinya kacamata item gw taon kmaren ajeh bisa jato truh patah.. -.- khan gw selebor.. -.- Tapi kayaknya gw bakal minta vnul nemenin gw ke fossil dah mao beli juga.. hehe..

Gw tuh lagi jd spender banget..!! parah banget.. kmaren ini gw baru beli dvd 40th annyversarynya the siund of music.. gw pikir2 dr pd gw nyewa di blockbuster 5 dollar tiap nyewa gw beli ajeh yang specil editionnya khan cuma 17 dollar. haha. bsia gw tonton seumur idup sampe dvd punah..
Trus,, gw beli otopet..!! lol oitu lho kick scooter gw juga gak tau knapa gw beli gtuan.. hauahhaha.. abisnya gw streess tiap pagi jalan jau2 lama.. gw beli ajeh trus beneran lho ke skola cuma 10 menit naek itu.. alhasil kaki gw kaku kau smua.. cape juga.. lo.
Gw baru beli jaket tea, skola gw.. 40 dollar tuh jaket makin taon makin mahal ajeh -.-

Pokoknya ngaco banget lah bulan kmaren.. belanja dah kyk emak gw punya puun duid.. haha..
wishlist gw masih panjang tapi gw bisa tahan gak beli sampe gw dapet kerjaan dah.. gw dah pro kok dalam hal tahan menahan napsu belanja..

Trus gw lagi ada masalah juga.. panjang ceritanya tapi kalo worst casenya Tuhan mao gw balik ke Indo.. mungkin kluarga gw gak seneng.. tapi Tuhan cuma mao bikin gw hepi kali yaaa.. Kalo sampe bener2 worst casenya gw balik ke Indo.. gw gak ragu gw bakal masuk skola communication yaa.. Dalam masalah ini gw gak bisa apa2 Tuhan yang kerja smuanya.. jadi kalo emank dia maonya gw balik ke Indo and be my self ya mungkin itu yang terbaik buat gw.. hmm.. tapi gw gak tau dah sama kluarga gw..

Anyway.. sminggu lagi skoal gw beres gw bakal banyak free time..!!!!

hoaaaaaaaa………… capee..

Mawar Marun..

Ada yang ngirimin gw mawar di kelas math.. gw gak tau siapa..
kartunya gak ada nama pengirimnya.. cuma ada tulisan bwt gw dan tulisan “here is a rose”

Mawar kedua setelah taon kmaren juga ada seseorang yang ngasih ke gw.. Dan sampe skarang pun gw masih gak tau siapa yang ngasih mawar Valentine taon kmaren.. taon ini gw dapet another mawar merah..

Siapa yang ngasih??? kenapa dia kagak show up?? tulis nama ato at least inisial.. Gw cuma mao thank that person..
Dan gw juga have no idea siapa yang ngasih.. seriously have no clue.. ><

Gw demen mawarr.. mawar emank bunga paporit gw… dan walopun yang paling gw suka itu mawar putih.. tapi kalo sampe ada yang ngasih gw setangkai mawar merah itu surprise banget..
tapiii siaaapaahhhhh…………………..

Whoever you are.. thanks for the red rose..

Kangen..

Saia kangen SanMar…
Skolaan yang pernah bikin gw ampir bundir gara2 tugasnya yang mencekik leher.. *apa sieh??*

Oh well.. yap2.. SMP st Maria yang ada di sberang istana negara… itu skolaan yang mantebh walo nyiksa.. andai ajah gw tau kalo ujung2nya gw bakal SMA dsini.. I swearr to God..!!! I wouldn’t waste my time in that school.. >< aduhhh.. gak worthed lahh.. hauhahaa.. oh welll..

Tapi bukan berarti gw gak punya kenangan dan memori indah dsanaa.. Gw kangen sama smua tukang makanan yang ada dsono.. dr mie alip sampe mie bangka dr tukang nasi gorang,, batagor plus indomie.. hauhahahaha.. gw kangen sama guru2 yang nice banget sama gw.. Pak hoedi guru seni rupa yang juga guru yang paling gw respect karena dia punya wibawa abiss..!!! dan dia tuh nicee lah pokoknyaa.. bu Rosa guru Geo yang super duper nice jugaa.. hmm sapa lagi yaaa.. Miss Vero,, guru inggris yang gaul n funky abiss..
Tapi tak juga gw lupa sama guru2 yangjijay bajay.. Contohnya.. Guru BP terjijay yang fitnah gw di depan nyokap gw.. WTF..!? Guru BP tukang gossip.. Plus guru math stress si Bu Marlene.. gw kagaj ngerti sama ajarannya die.. SMUA guru FISIKA.. karena emank gw gak ngerti apa yang mrkea omongin.. LOL.. sapa lagi yaaa.. hmmm..

Tapi gw seneng bisa skola dsana ktemu temen2 gokil nan gilaa.. gw kangen mreka.. amatt sangattt.. Gw kangen pulang jem 4 sore cuma maen basket/volly doank.. lalu jalan kaki sampe di depannya resto siang malam di jalan juanda.. karena halte busway paling deket dsana.. truss.. jalan bareng sama Jeje dan yang lain2.. Gw kangen nyanyi2 sama anak band di pinggir lapangan.. diajarin maen gitar… maen bola di lap pasirr… hmm.. ngapain lagi yaa.. nyoret2 warungnya si oong.. LOL.. KHUSUS dateng super pagi.. buat nyalin PR… trusss… tiap pagi kerjaannya ngisengin anak TK yang super imutt kalo mreka pada baru berangkatt…

I miss those memoriesss… I wish I could turn back time and be there again with my white n blue uniform.. With My friendss playing badminton every Monday.. Playing Volleyball happily..

Kangennnnnn…………..